whenever i receive something really good or have something really great happen to me i always expect it to be taken away. like i just assume it was an accident that will be corrected, like when i got accepted to college i felt like they sent it to the wrong person and would take it away from me. it took at least a week to accept that i was, in fact, accepted to college and it wasn't an accident

etherealgf reblogged nerdt0pia

I FORGOT TO POST THIS fbdfv here's that one AU doodle I did a while back but finished! I'm rlly happy with how it turned out tbh :3c

one of the few things i miss abt the hellsite is that it would collapse the tags of a post after a certain number, and u could click it to expand and see the tags

i've been constantly on the verge of having a mental breakdown for days. even had a few breakdowns

i just wanna leave this place and leave my family immediately but i have to wait a few weeks more :.(

im gonna celebrate my birthday months late now that the covid-19 restrictions are lessened (and we have very few cases in the province, usually 0)

but i have no idea what to do for it... i want to celebrate it this month bc im leaving soon for college. but aaaa what do i do??

angelicaphelion asked:

Ketene, Oleum and Sarin :3c!!

aaaajzbsjxbs these are so hard!!! ajzbzjxjs tysm for the ask!! ^.^

ketene: ummm head empty. ummmm....


well i learned u can sell multiple things at a time in acnh, but that was last week, if that counts

oleum: this is so difficult ajsbdjxbsj there are just multiple songs...

but i think! the best one would be "Bend" by Ria Mae!!

like.. ok this will get kinda personal bc i wanna explain why the lyrics relate to my life

"scream baby, baby yell it like i ruined your life" basically... it's like how somebody specific who used to be in my life (years ago, and it was brief) tried to place all the blame for all the problems in his life on me, as if i completely ruined his life singlehandedly

"push me, push me, i'll never fall" and the whole part with "you can try and bend my heart but it won't break" me being bullied as a kid and also later being oppressed bc im queer, but still going on with life and not giving up

"disappear in the middle of the night" me completely leaving clubs, friend groups, and social medias bc im overwhelmed

"this mistrust is contagious" me never being trusted as a kid (even tho im autistic and only rarely lied) no matter what i said, and it leading to me having severe trust issues for years. but im getting better with it now!

"you hold onto my heart so hard and i just follow as you spin me around" the way i used to blindly follow what ppl wanted me to do, always pretended to be who they wanted me to be, like how i acted like the perfect "daughter" just bc my mother wanted me to be

and just in general the vibe..... it's kinda like "things have been bad and are bad now but im trying to make it better" and the lyrics may sound sad, as ria mae's songs often do, but it feels really hopeful to me! and my life hasn't been so great but it's getting better and im very hopeful that it will get much better soon!!

ok next question!

sarin: ohhh this is hard... i suppose ignorant people who only want to argue? they drain all my energy u_u

goropancakechi -

Send me a highly toxic chemical in my ask box (taken from here)


Acetaldehyde: What did you used to have that you are happier without?

Bromine: What was your favorite food when you were a child?

Cyanogen: If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

Diazomethane: If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?

Ethylamine: What sound do you love?

Formaldehyde: If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose?

Hexafluoroacetone: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Isopropylamine: What do you miss most about being a kid?

Ketene: What is something you learned in the last week?

Methacrylaldehyde: Would you rather be really attractive or really smart?

Nitromethane: What are your phobias?

Oleum: If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?

Pentaborane: What is one habit of yours that no one knows about?

Sarin: What annoys you the most?

Trifluorochloroethylene: If you could change your first and middle name to anything, what would it be?

people on facebook post pictures of their kids doing literally anything all the time and it makes me really :(

(continued under the read more)

like for one thing, the kids haven't consented to being posted publicly online. and they haven't consented to people exposing their private lives to the internet. like.. usually anyone on the internet can see somebody's facebook, and see everything about those kids' lives. do the parents know how creepy that is?

even if they have it set to private, they probably still have many friends, maybe even people they or their kids don't know well

parents and other adults preach (or used to) to kids about internet safety but now it's the adults that seem to really need it

and also.. kids shouldn't have their whole life recorded and shown to a big audience 24/7. people do worse when they know or feel like they're being watched, and when their parents are always there to record or take pictures of them, and it can happen at any time, that's very not good bc the kids know they may be recorded at any time and have their private lives shown to the world

i cry every time i hear a baby on the radio ajzbsjxbs they're just so cute!!! 😭

whenever i feel dysphoric abt my chest i hear dr. coomer from hlvrai, in my head repeating those lines when they all see the assassins

mental breakdown 2 electric boogaloo

had one last night. having another one tonight. h

i think i really. really need to leave the house for a few nights at least. my anxiety is so high when i know my abusers are in the same house as me. which is.. all the time bc of the pandemic

i know im moving out for school in abt a month but god im really having a hard time waiting

i have to lie down for a while bc my back is hurting so bad but that's ok bc it means i have an excuse to just play acnh

having a breakdown at 3 am.....

everything's fucked up. my family's fucked up. my brain's fucked up bc of my family

i need to live that found family trope after i move away for college.. can't stay in this family